The Strange War Page 5

was built.

  And the Gnuffs built a huge spray gun that could spray the poison on the Moffers.

  And the Gnuffs built a huge balloon that could carry the bomb to the Moffers.

  Then the Supreme President of the Gnuffs said in a speech, “Now there can never again be a war because we want peace, and the Moffers will never dare attack us because we have the terrible poison.”

  And the Head King of the Moffers said in a speech, “Now there will always be peace because we don’t want war, and the Gnuffs will never dare attack us because we have the terrible bomb.”

  One day the Gnuff blacksmiths said, “We don’t have enough iron anymore for all the swords and plows and scythes and wagons that we could build. We’ve got to go to Iron Island and get iron!”

  And the Moffer blacksmiths said, “We need more iron for our spears and wagons and plows and scythes. We have to go get iron from Iron Island!”

  So the Gnuffs sent a ship to Iron Island...

  ...and the Moffers sent a ship to Iron Island too.

  When the ships came back, the sailors told everybody at home that the others had also taken iron from Iron Island.

  “The Moffers are taking our iron!” a Gnuff newspaper announced.

  “The Gnuffs want all the iron for themselves!” announced a Moffer newspaper.

  This was rather an exaggeration, but everybody knows that papers with exciting news sell better than those which say that everything is not so bad and one should maybe first have a look if maybe there wasn't enough iron for everyone. And newspaper people want to make a living just like everybody else.

  And the Moffers once again became frightened of the Gnuffs...

  ...and the Gnuffs became frightened of the Moffers.

  “We have to have Iron Island for ourselves,” said some of the Gnuffs, “or there can be no peace.”

  “Iron Island must belong to us,” said some of the Moffers, “or there’ll be another war!”

  “If we don’t have iron for plows, we’ll have nothing to eat,” said some of the Gnuffs, “and then our terrible poison won’t help us either!”

  “If we don’t have any iron, we’ll starve,” said some of the Moffers, “and then our huge bomb won’t do us any good either.”

  And the Gnuffs sent a warship to Iron Island...

  ...and the Moffers sent a warship to Iron Island.

  And when the battle came to a draw...

  ...the Gnuffs sent another warship...

  ...and the Moffers sent another warship.

  “We can’t allow them to build any warships!” said the Gnuff general and with his troops he attacked the Moffer’s shipyard.

  “We have to prevent them from building ships,” said the Moffer field marshal, and with his troops he attacked the Gnuff’s shipyard.

  “They have attacked us!” yelled the Gnuffs.

  “They have struck us!” yelled the Moffers.

  “We wanted peace,” said the Gnuff general, “but now it’s too late. We have to spray them with our poison before they drop the bomb on us!”

  “We didn’t want war!” said the Moffer field marshal, “but now it’s too late. We have to drop the bomb on them before they spray us with poison.”

  And the spray gun was filled...

  ...and the big balloon was launched.

  “Now their number’s up!” said the Gnuffs.

  “Now their number’s up!” said the Moffers.

  “And ours is too!” said the Gnuffs when they saw the balloon slowly rising.

  “And ours is too!” said the Moffers when they saw the giant spray gun appear on the horizon.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have invented the poison after all!” said the inventor.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have invented the bomb after all!” said the professor.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t have made any swords!” said the blacksmiths.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t have made any spears!” said the spear makers.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t have sewn any uniforms!” said the tailors.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t have delivered any potatoes,” said the farmers.

  “Maybe we shouldn't have exaggerated so much” said the newspaper people.

  “Maybe we should have stuck to the truth more” said the people who wrote the magazines.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t have become soldiers,” said the soldiers.

  “Maybe we should have sent our general into retirement!” said the Gnuffs.

  “Maybe we should have given our field marshal the pink slip!” said the Moffers.

  ...

  And then a Gnuff said to his friends, “We can’t save ourselves anymore. But the Moffers – they weren’t any more stupid or mean than we were.” And they climbed up onto the spray gun and knocked it over, just at the moment before it started spraying.

  And a few Moffers said to each other, “Now we’re going to die because of our stupidity. But the Gnuffs at least ought to know that there were a few decent Moffers.” And they grabbed hold of the ropes and climbed up to the balloon and exploded the bomb before it got to the Gnuffs.

  “Moffers saved us!” the Gnuffs said, astonished when they saw that the bomb had not hurt them.

  “Gnuffs gave their lives for us!” the Moffers whispered, completely amazed, when they noticed that the poison hadn’t hit them.

  And then they all let their swords and spears drop to the ground, sat down on the ground and moaned, “Whew! That was a close call!” And because they were so relieved, many of them started crying.

  Then they sent the general and the marshal into retirement, the Supreme President and the Head King too, and they said, “This time we’ve got to be smarter!”

  The Sun and the Moon

  Once there were two villages on the opposite banks of a river. The village on the eastern bank was called Namkha and the one on the western bank Tralang. The river may have had a name as well, but the villagers only called it the River because there was no other river far and wide. Also, there were no other villages far and wide. The river was small, maybe more a stream than a river, and the country was dry. Rain was very rare, and the villagers had to take all the water they needed from the river. They used the water for drinking and cooking and bathing and washing their clothes, but mainly to water their little fields and their sheep and goats. Sometimes during the hot season only a small trickle was left after the river had passed between the two villages.

  The people in the two villages spoke the same language but they had different religions.

  The people on the western bank worshipped the Sun. They had a small temple with a golden disc in it. Every Sunday at noon they gathered in the temple and thanked the Sun for sending the light that allowed them to see the world and that let the crops grow, and they thanked him for the fire that allowed them to cook their meat and to forge their tools.

  The people on the eastern bank worshipped the Moon. They had a small temple with a silver disc in it, and every Monday at midnight they gathered in the temple and thanked the Moon for the coolness of the night that allowed them to sleep and to gather new strength, and for the dew that fell on the fields in the night and watered the wild plants their sheep and goats fed on, and they also thanked her for the rain that fell in the far away mountains and for the river that brought them the water.

  The Sun worshippers used to make fun of the Moon worshippers. They called them Sleep Walkers because they held their services at night. Only Mrs. Pema took things more seriously and kept saying: „These poor sinners are walking in utter darkness. We must help them to see the light!“

  But most of the others said: „Ah, who cares if they roast in hell. Leave them alone as long as they leave us alone!“

  The devotees of the Moon used to smile at the devotees of the Sun. They called them Fire Eaters because they would light fires in honour of the Sun even at the hottest time of the day. Only old Mr. Tashi would rant at them across the river: „Repent, you infidels, or you will burn in your own fi
re!“ But the others would say: „Calm down, grandad, live and let live. They are acting a little funny but they are not hurting anybody!“

  One year the rains must have failed in the mountains. The river carried less and less water. People on both sides of the river became restless. There was not enough water to irrigate the fields. There was not enough water for the sheep and goats. If they could not water their fields they would go hungry next year. If their goats and sheep had no water to drink there would be no milk and no cheese and eventually they would have to slaughter most of them.

  Some people asked themselves what might be the reason for the drought. Why yes, the rains must have failed far away in the mountains. But why had they failed?

  Mrs. Pema had an explanation: „The Sun is punishing the Sleep Walkers for not believing in him!“

  „Hmm“, some people would say, „But why do we have to suffer as well?“

  Mrs. Pema had an answer to that too: „The Lord Sun is punishing us for not helping those poor sinners to find the true faith!“

  On the other side of the river Mr. Tashi was preaching: „The Moon is angry at us for letting those infidels on the other side insult her with their unholy fires!“

  Mr. Tenzin, the mayor, said: „Please, calm down. Times are difficult enough as it is and we don‘t want trouble with our neighbours on top of everything else.“

  But young Mr. Dorji, who wanted to be mayor himself, thought: „If there is a fight, I have a chance to be the leader.“ And he shouted: „Yes, our Lady the Moon will hold back the water until we go and fight the infidels!“

  And some of the others thought: „Hm, what the old man says could be true after all. Who knows? And